( snoring )
( yawns )
( loud snapping )
( snapping )
Excuse me, Miss.
I don't want to have to report you again.
( laughs ) I was just wondering....
ls it the "homework pencil" on the left side of the paper
next to the "quiz pencil"
or over on the right side, all by itself... or...
l think it goes stuck inside your...
Wait! I got it!
The "quiz pencil" goes right over here
next to the "essay" pencil.
And the "essay" pencil gets turned sideways
towards the notepad.
Just in case I have to write an essay.
MRS. PUFF: Good morning, class!
Sorry I'm late. I got caught in traffic on the way in here
when that whole "I'm gonna be doing this
"for the rest of my life" thing reared its ugly head
and I... ( laughs nervously )
Anyway, we have a new student starting today.
So let's all put on a happy face
for Flats the Flounder.
( applauding )
Tell the class something about yourself, Flats.
Well, I like to kick people's butts.
( laughing )
( applause )
Ooh, what a card.
Now, Flats, it's time to pick your seat.
Just go ahead and sit anywhere you like.
MRS. PUFF: Okay, class, as you remember last week
we started sections... blah-blah-blah... Hi, I'm SpongeBob.
Hi, SpongeBob.
l'm gonna kick your butt.
Whoa!
( laughs )
That joke was almost funnier the second time.
No... I mean it.
( giggles ) That time it almost seemed like...
...you did mean it.
Mrs. Puff.
Yes, SpongeBob?
Can I be excused for the rest of my life?
( laughs ) Why no, SpongeBob.
l'm in the middle of a coffee-fueled sermon right now.
You can't afford to miss this information.
Yes, Mrs.Puff.
Sorry, Mrs. Puff.
Now... can I please have a volunteer
to come up to the board?
How about you, Flats?
Please draw for us a diagram
of a basic four-way intersection, Flats.
( chalk squeaking )
Please turn and show the class
what you drew, honey.
( panicked yelling )
( gasps ) My! How very creative!
We have an artist in the class!
( applause )
( panting )
SPONGEBOB ( echoing ): I just don't understand.
Why would Flats want to kick my butt?
l haven't said two words to the guy!
Hi, I'm SpongeBob.
One... two... ( gasps )
Oh, no, that's three! What am I gonna do?
( creaking and clattering ) What's that?! Someone's coming.
They're getting closer.
I just got to act natural.
Oh, that's real nice.
Whew! I thought for sure that was gonna be...
Flats?!
Uh, hello, um... sir.
Uh... kicked any good butts lately?
Yeah, I remember last week...
I was kickin' this guy's butt real good...
and he leans over and says...
"Hey, ya know... life's like a bucket of wood shavings,
"except for when the shavings are in a pail...
"then it's like a pail of wood shavings." ( laughs )
Hey, that story really speaks to me.
Really? What's it say?
It says now I'm gonna kick your butt twice as hard.
And I'll leave Gary's water bowl to Gary
and my curtains to...
Oh, Neptune, I just can't do this!
( ringing )
Death row. "Next-in-line" speaking.
PATRICK: Hi! I'd like to place an order for delivery.
Patrick! Is that you?
Yeah. Hey, Mario.
Let me get a large, double olive, double...
Patrick, listen! It's me, SpongeBob!
I need your help.
You're working at Pizza Castle now?
What? No... listen! I'm in big trouble.
There's a new guy at school here and he wants to kick my butt.
Listen, you're big and strong.
Do you think you can come down here...
maybe rough him up a bit, just to get him off my back?
Please, Patrick!
I'm so scared, it feels like I'm gonna throw up.
No, they're not closed...
I know, you want olives...
Patrick? You there?
Oh, I'm sorry, SpongeBob.
I was just talking to my old community college buddy, Flats.
I bumped into him at the soda store, isn't that funny?
It must have been years since we've seen each other.
Well, let me get going.
He's got to go back to school soon.
He says he's gonna kick somebody's butt.
Aah...!
Hello? Is this Pizza Castle?
Aah...!
( crashing )
Come in, SpongeBob.
Mrs. Puff, can I be in a different class?
But why?
I can't tell you.
Why ever not?
I just can't, Mrs. Puff.
My physical being is at stake.
Let's just leave it at that.
SpongeBob, you can tell me anything.
You've got to believe that.
Well... okay.
But only if you promise to keep it between us.
Of course.
Flats says he's gonna kick my butt!
What?! There shall be no butt-kicking
in any class of mine.
This is an adult program.
SpongeBob, just leave it to me.
Aw, thanks, Mrs. Puff.
I knew I could count on you.
( bell rings )
Have a nice lunch, SpongeBob?
Yes, Mrs. Puff.
( whispers ): Psst! SpongeBob!
I talked to Flats for you.
I used your name.
It was all a misunderstanding.
You what?!
He was never going to kick your butt at all.
You see, SpongeBob, Flats is from a town
where "kicking someone's butt"
means that he wants to be your friend
and maybe play
some sports with you on weekends.
I got diarrhea.
( gasping and panting )
Huh?
Are you Flats's Dad?
Why, yes, I am.
Okay, see...
I didn't know where else to turn!
Patrick couldn't help me
and Mrs. Puff only made it worse!
I sit next to your son Flats in school
and he is a fine boy and all
and I don't want you to take this the wrong way,
but he wants to kick my butt.
Dad, what are you doing?
Uh, nothing, son.
What did I tell you
about talking to strangers?
Now he's going to kick my butt.
Aah...!
Out of my way! Out of my way!
Can't you see he's going to kick my butt?!
Hi there, young people!
Nice day today.
"So you like kicki" butts, do ya?
Well, we'll show you, old man. There he is, go get him!
( crowd yelling and punching )
( whimpering )
( panting )
Okay, okay, I got to skip town!
Start a new life! Live under an assumed name!
BobPants SpongeSquare! Yeah, that's good.
Grow a beard and then shave it off...
and live happily ever after.
Yeah, except you forgot the part
where I kick your butt!
( gasping )
( panting and whimpering )
( snickers )
Whoa...!
( Flats groaning )
Hey, Flats.
You feeling better?
Wh-wh-hat? Where am I?
Why, you're in the hospital.
This young boy saved your life.
He performed CPR for five hours straight.
Yeah... they said you'd be okay after the first few minutes,
but I just wanted to be sure.
Wow! I'm touched.
l'll have to remember that when I'm kicking your butt.
( shattering )
Those flowers for me?
Aah...!
He's still gonna kick my butt!
How many times do we have to
teach you this lesson, old man?
I love the young people.
( crowd mutters angrily )
Aah...!
Oh, Gary! I'm too young to have my butt kicked.
There are so many things in life that I haven't gotten to do!
Hang on... I'll transfer your call.
( banging on door )
Who is it?
Aah...! Flats!
It's butt-kicking time.
Gary, there's something I want you to know.
But I'm too scared to remember what it is.
( cracking knuckles )
( gasps )
( cracking )
( gasps )
Let's do it.
Go away, Gary.
I don't want you to see this, it'll be ugly.
Are you ready?
Hold on.
Okay, I'm ready.
( grunts )
( squeaks )
I said I'm ready.
Huh?
( grunts )
( squeaks )
Didn't you hear me?
I said I'm ready.
( grunts )
( squeaks )
( giggles ) That tickled!
( grunts ) ( squeaks )
( laughing )
( grunting ) ( squeaks )
Gary! I'm absorbing his blows
like I was made of some kind of spongy material!
And do you know what that means?
l get to go to work tomorrow!
( grunting ) ( squeaks )
Do you have any sevens?
( meows )
( grunting ) ( squeaks )
( snoring )
( grunting ) ( squeaks )
( Flats grunting and punching ) ( SpongeBob squeaking )
( panting ) ( squeaks )
( panting )
( wheezing )
( groans )
Flats? Are you okay?
( class cheering and applauding )
Do not cheer me, my fellow adult classmates.
Flats was the real victim here.
A victim of a society
that's riding down a violent road to nowhere...
a road I call "Violence Road."
Sorry I'm late, class.
I... ( gasps )
SpongeBob!
I can't believe you beat up a new student!
MRS. PUFF: I'm going to kick your butt!